


My Only Teacher

by Anonymous



Category: Gintama
Genre: Age Difference, Anal Sex, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Extremely Underage, First Kiss, Hair Brushing, M/M, Non-Chronological, Reincarnation, Teacher-Student Relationship, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:34:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Gin looks down and sees Shouyou's little fist wrapped around his thumb.'What, is he trying to comfort me?'He laughs and laughs until it starts to hurt.-Glimpses into Gin's life before and after being forced to kill his teacher.
Relationships: Sakata Gintoki/Yoshida Shouyou
Kudos: 23
Collections: Anonymous





	My Only Teacher

"How cute."

"Sensei," said Gin in a pointless attempt at acting stern and serious, but in Shouyou's eyes the boy was merely pouting. He loved that look on him.

"Hm?"

"Why won't you take me seriously? I'm nothing like those other brats you have running around. You know that."

Shouyou widened his eyes in pretend surprise. "What's with that? I do take you seriously."

"But you keep calling me cute."

"Ah..." he smiles again and relaxes, "But it's true. You're much cuter than your classmates."

"I'm not a kid, so stop treating me like one already."

"How old are you, exactly?" asks Shouyou with a tilt of his head.

"What does it matter...?" He sighs. "I've been by your side for long enough, right? I just want you to think of me as an equal."

"And I do."

Gin groans and stuffs his face in his hands. "You don't though!"

"Gintoki, if you don't want to be seen as a child, then perhaps you should consider not acting in a childish manner."

He can't stand it anymore, he temper can be so short these days, Gin shouts in frustration and leaves Shouyou behind on the terrace. Shouyou only chuckles at his cute student and watches him stomp his feet as he goes.

* * *

It was perfect.

He'd never had to execute someone like this before, bound and forced onto their knees. He knew what it was like to cut through flesh and bone but an arm and a neck are different, some nameless Amanto who invaded his home and his teacher who he'd loved and been loved by were _different._ And he'd seen it, the difference between a skilled executioner and just some ordinary soldier like himself, that no matter how much he believed in his own training and ability he knew he'd never remove his teacher's head in one strike. It would be messy, he would have to hack at his neck and pull his head up by the hair and feel the skin and muscle and bone separating beneath his blade.

He thought that was a certainty, that there was no choice, but when he swung his sword and removed Shouyou's head in one perfect cut below his atlas, he realized that he did indeed have a choice. His last wish as a human would be that his teacher wouldn't suffer, his first wish as a demon would be that it wouldn't have been so easy, that he could've grasped the hair on Shouyou's living head and seen his shoulders rising and falling for just a moment or two longer. Even if Shouyou had suffered, even if Gin had suffered, even if his comrades watching had suffered for it. One second longer with him in this world would have been worth it. 

* * *

"Sleep with me," he demands from the doorway.

"Um...?" is Shouyou's response, at a loss.

Gin approaches him and stares him down. "Sensei, let's sleep together."

"Gintoki, slow down. Do you mean sleeping in my room?"

Gin looks down at his feet and speaks with less certainty this time. "Of course. It's what adult's do together, right? You'll have to take me more seriously then."

"But... You don't have to be an adult to sleep next to someone, do you? What gave you that idea?"

He seems subtly shocked by this, "Seriously? But I did hear that!"

It makes Shouyou sad to think that Gin had never experienced such a simple thing.

Gin barrels on, "There has to be something different about it. Even if you won't tell me, I'll find out sooner or later." He huffs. "I want to sleep with you."

Shouyou laughs and pats Gin's head. "Of course, of course. We can sleep together whenever you like, okay?"

He seems overjoyed that he's won this time, that he'll be able to do something that only adults do.

Gin and Shouyou never sleep apart again.

* * *

They all suffer.

It's a shared trauma, an inescapable bond between all of them and in time they will continue to meet each other, to find each other again through fate.

But now Gin sleeps alone, It's the first time he's felt sort-of safe, since that day.

He can't stomach food anymore. He manages enough to live, enough to make his muscles move but beyond that, it's all spills from his throat and leaves him feeling worse than before.

Having anyone look at him is painful, he knows what they see when they do and he always sees his reflection in their eyes but he doesn't want to look. He doesn't understand it, he's never felt this way before. He wonders if the others ever feel this way as well.

Every move he makes is burdened by the weight of the reality that his hands are stained, his body disgraced, his mind ruined. He thinks he might truly be a demon.

* * *

"You tricked me!"

"Did I?" He seems truly confused.

"Adults have sex, that's what sleeping together meant!" Gin fumes.

Oh. Shouyou wants to laugh but he holds it in for Gin's sake.

"Sex? Where did you hear such a word?"

"Why would I tell you?"

"I suppose you wouldn't. I guess it should be normal at your age, hm? Gossiping with your friends about things like that."

"You should've told me I had it wrong," mutters Gin.

"You were so determined," Shouyou tells him, "I couldn't ruin that."

"But it's ten times as embarrassing now!"

"I don't think it is."

Gin sighs and tries to take comfort in that. "Sensei, I want to have sex with you."

And he does laugh this time knowing it'll hurt Gin's ego, but it's just too cute not to.

Gin burns, "W-what's so funny about that?!"

"Sorry, it's not funny. I'm just flattered." Again, he chuckles a little.

"Stop laughing then, if it's not funny."

"Fine, fine. But Gintoki, I think... that is something you should do only if you love the person you're doing it with." It's a simple deflection, but he hopes it'll work on Gin. At least for now.

"But Zura told us about prostitutes, what about that? Do they love everyone they have sex with?"

"Katsura?"

Gin clamps his mouth shut and curses himself.

"I'll be having a talk with him later, it seems," Shouyou sighs. "And they don't, I suppose... Let's just say I would only do that with someone I love."

Gin groans. "And you don't love me."

"Gintoki," he scolds. "I do love you, though in a different way."

"What does that even mean?"

"It means I love you, but whether you admit it or not," he softly taps his knuckles against Gin's head, careful to restrain his strength, "You're still only a child. I want you to grow up and become a fine samurai and to do so, you'll need to focus on your studies."

He can feel the frustration on Gin's face and his heart aches for him.

"Come here," Shouyou instructs, "And I'll give you something just as good."

Gin dutifully obeys and kneels in front of his teacher, curious eyes staring up at him.

Shouyou gently lays his hands on Gin's cheeks and gazes at him, face still so innocent even after all he's been through. He leans forward and touches his lips to Gin's smaller ones, kisses him once and twice and he smiles as he finds they are just as soft and sweet as he'd expected.

Gin's face is blood red and his eyes are wide open when Shouyou pulls away from him, looking all over his teacher's face for an explanation but he only finds the strangely happy expression that Shouyou loves to point in his direction.

"When you grow up, Gintoki, we can have sex if you'd like," he laughs, giddy almost, "but for now, do try to get by with just kisses, okay?"

Gin can't even speak, his hands are shaking and he's so so overwhelmed.

"Sensei!" A soft pattering of feet preceed Katsura entering his doorway holding his notebook. "S--Oh, him. Should I come back later?"

"No, this is perfect timing actually." Shouyou smiles brightly at him. "Gintoki, be on your way now, will you?"

* * *

He's alive.

Gin severed his head years ago.

And yet...

He's here.

* * *

"Gintoki, would you mind brushing my hair?"

"Why can't you do it?"

"Ah, well... I cut my hand yesterday, see?" He lifts a lightly bandaged hand up in Gin's direction, turning it to show it off. "I would struggle with it."

"It was just a scrape! You can take care of yourself."

Shouyou pretends to sulk and looks away from him. "I guess I can't make you, then," he sighs and speaks lower, as if only meant for himself, "Maybe one of my other students could help?"

"No way."

"Hm?" He watches Gin closely and tilts his head. "Why not?"

"N-no reason, just give it here already!"

Shouyou holds out the hairbrush and Gin snatches it from his hand, he seems surprised by the rudeness of his own action and quietly apologizes for it. Shouyou dismisses it and beckons Gin to sit behind him.

Gin follows and gently pulls his hair back, gathering it all on his back and starting from the scalp he brushes through his teacher's grey hair with long, straight strokes.

"Why do you want someone to do this anyway?"

"Has no one ever brushed your hair for you?" Shouyou inquires.

"I think so. Maybe," he trails off. "But it just hurts."

"It doesn't have to. Why don't I brush your hair after you've finished with mine?"

"Sure."

Shouyou smiles, working on Gin's messy hair will be a challenge.

"It feels nice to be close to someone like this. Oh, and I wasn't serious when I said I'd ask someone else."

"Oh." Gin doesn't sigh but he's so relieved. "Okay. But why me?"

"I like being close to you. It's comforting having you touch my hair, my scalp," Shouyou explains.

Gin ghosts his fingers over Shouyou's scalp and down through his hair and Shouyou shivers under him, laughing to cover it up.

"I think I like it too," admits Gin a tiny, hesitant voice.

"I thought you would!"

Gin crawls around Shouyou to start on the front. He brushes the sides of his hair down just as he sees it every day, careful to keep the bristles away from his teacher's skin and very suddenly he realizes Shouyou is watching him, eyes following his own. He tries to ignore it and works on his bangs, simply straightening them out. He doesn't hate it exactly, his teacher watches him all the time but being so close to him like this... it's just embarrassing. He finishes up and sits back on his legs, examining Shouyou's hair and feeling content that nothing is out of place. 

"How does it look?" asks Shouyou.

"I should be asking you that. Go look in a mirror."

"No, I want to know what you think," he says and he smiles at Gin, eyes softly shut.

"It looks fine, normal."

"Is that all?"

Gin sighs, "It looks good. It always does though, every one of those brats is a little jealous of it."

Shouyou chuckles at Gin's annoyance and he looks so pleased right now, so happy. 

Gin doesn't think much before he kisses him. He doesn't know what he's feeling but as long as he can have his teacher's lips on his own, as long as he can make the man blush when he runs his fingers through his hair and when he tries sucking on his tongue and when he climbs into his lap against his wishes, he doesn't care about what feeling it is exactly.

* * *

Gin stabs the short blade into the ground at the baby's side and lets his body sag, tired and heavy.

"I love you," he forces out. Then he laughs. "What the hell, right? What the hell. I can't tell anymore, I don't know anything."

He turns his face to the sky to avoid looking at Shouyou. "But my chest hurts. Why didn't I know until now? I wanted to be near you so badly. I wanted to kiss you. I wanted... whatever you would give to me. I never stopped wanting it. Fuck.

"Why can't I kill you now, after all that I've done? After all that _you've_ done? Nobody good would let you live."

He gathers the infant Shouyou in his arms and holds him to his stomach as he leans against the rock behind him. He needs to pull himself together, he tries to think of Shinpachi and Kagura, when they were always together and bickering. He misses them.

There's something on his hand.

He looks down and sees Shouyou's little fist wrapped around his thumb and Gin laughs, cackles at the sight, no not even the sight, the insane thought that immediately runs through his mind when he sees it.

_What, is he trying to comfort me?_

He laughs and laughs until it starts to hurt.

Gin doesn't think about it anymore, after that. He doesn't know whether what he's doing is right or wrong, either way he has to continue moving forward no matter what.

* * *

He's grown so much in just two years. It's hard to say exactly what age Shouyou's body appears to be, but Gin would approximate around eight years old. 

He hasn't spoken at all since they reunited but Gin has heard his voice, when he grunts and sighs, and of course it sounds like how he remembers. Even the way the boy sniffs is so familiar he could pick it out of a crowd. He follows Gin around like a ghost, standing too close behind him and bumping into him if Gin stops suddenly, but he'll never say a word. 

He thinks that's why he suddenly began wanting to touch his hair so badly.

Gin can't talk to him or share his feelings with him but he still wants to be close to Shouyou so much that he couldn't help but try to do that for him.

He pulls Shouyou in front of him on a morning just like any other and shows him a hair brush, pats the top of his head. Shouyou... doesn't seem opposed to it at least, he obediently turns and shows his back to Gin. His hair is short but other than the length, it's just as he remembers. Soft and straight and easy to comb through. 

Gin doesn't talk much himself, only when necessary or he's mainly talking to himself as it's just awkward to get no response from the boy.

"It was nice. When I got to do this for you."

Shouyou still shivers under his fingertips, he still smiles and involuntarily closes his eyes every time. Gin laughs at the familiar reaction.

And he didn't realized that he'd never called Shouyou by his name. He just never thought about it.

"Feels good doesn't it, Shouyou?"

There's a small shift in the mood, he thinks, or maybe he's just imagining it but he finishes straightening up his hair and pats his head again, telling him he's free to do whatever he'd like to now.

"You should start brushing my hair before I sleep as well."

Gin freezes in place. "Shouyou...?" he says hesitantly.

"You know, I've missed being called by that name."

Shouyou turns to face him and he wears the expression he'd known so well on his teacher, that smile. It's him, he's sure. Utsuro could mimic it but he could have never done it perfectly, could never truly look like the man Gin cared so deeply for.

"Honestly, you could've said something to jog my memory earlier... that would've made this easier, don't you think?" He walks closer to Gin. "Thank you for helping me remember, Gintoki." 

Gin doesn't respond, only stares at him with a dumb expression and Shouyou can't help but laugh.

"Yes, it's really me."

Gin closes the distance and gathers Shouyou into his arms, pulling him into a crushing hug.

He should ask him so many questions but he can't bring himself to think about anything other than _Shouyou, Shouyou, Shouyou._

Gin has no control over his body. He kisses him, pressing their mouths together harshly, desperate to taste his teachers lips again after so long. Shouyou takes it with stride and quickly begins to lead him, holds his face in his hands and his body is so small but just as dominant as it was when Gin was a child. Gin feels like he's begging, chasing after a little boy's lips when he pulls away, just hoping that he's doing well enough to feel like an adult for _sensei_.

Shouyou guides him to the ground, to his makeshift futon, and allows Gin to lie over him as the man shakily tries to kiss and squeeze every part of him available. 

Gin only snaps out of it when he feels Shouyou's hands undoing his belts. 

"W-what are you doing?" Gin asks.

"I heard it, when you said you love me."

"Huh?"

Shouyou continues, "And you're an adult now, so--"

"No, wait, you heard that?"

"Of course."

"You were a baby!" Gin fumes.

Shouyou laughs. "I still remember."

Gin grabs his head and groans.

"Gintoki."

"What?" he replies distractedly.

"Don't you still want to have sex with me?"

Gin gasps almost inaudibly and slowly looks at him, meeting his unwavering stare.

"Well?"

"Yes, sensei," he answers automatically. He didn't mean to say it but hearing his voice makes Gin feel like a kid again. 

"You've always been a good, loyal boy for me, haven't you?"

Gin looks at the ground and nods his head.

"Good."

* * *

Gin sucks at his neck as one of his fingers sinks into Shouyou's ass, keeping it still inside of him only for a moment before he’s pulling it out, pressing back in and fucking him with slow and shallow thrusts. Shouyou is almost shivering, it's not like anything he's ever felt before.

He presses a second finger in alongside the first and thrusts faster, Shouyou feels a burning stretch around the fingers and it’s an unexpected grind against his walls yet he still soaks in every sensation. He adds a third and Shouyou can't help but whimper.

His knuckles bump against him with each thrust and Shouyou's legs tense and twitch as Gin speeds up, plunges the three fingers into him harsh and fast and Gin's blood is pumping in his ears, seeing Shouyou like this, little gasps and his mouth dropping open, drives him crazy. He never imagined that he could do this to him.

He too-quickly takes his fingers out and Shouyou is given a few moments to breathe before he feels the head of Gin's cock against him.

He pushes closer and presses against Shouyou's opening, hesitating when it doesn't give way easily. Shouyou pulls Gin closer with his legs on his hips and watches as his mouth parts with a gasp, his hands grip Shouyou's thighs and he stares down at where his cock is now slowly burying itself in his ass.

Once he's fully inside of Shouyou, he collapses on top of him, puffing a breath on his neck and sinks onto him, molding with Shouyou's body.

"Does it feel that good?"

Gin shallowly but stiffly humps into him as a response to hearing his voice. " _Sensei_..." he whines.

Shouyou laughs at him and winds his arms around his back as much as he can, squeezing him. He's shaking in his arms, Shouyou's touch overwhelms him and he stutters, jerking into him almost painfully. 

He whispers, disbelieving and meant only for himself to hear, "I--I can't--"

One of Shouyou's hands moves up to caress his cheek, meant to comfort but Gin _cries_ out, buries his face in his hair and he suddenly begins pounding into him, gasping and forgetting to feel ashamed of his little noises of pleasure. Shouyou clenches around Gin's cock rhythmically and it feels like he's sucking him in, coaxing him to get even deeper inside. 

And Gin does, ever fulfilling his need to be closer and closer to him, his hips hit Shouyou's and it hurts and he's sure it hurts the boy even more but who knows if he'll ever get this close again, he's been trying to hide from that thought but he's spent so long missing him, wanting him that he just can't control himself once he actually has him. He's burning up like this, he's going insane from being inside Shouyou's body.

He grabs a fistful of Shouyou's hair and yanks his head back, latches his lips to his neck that he once cut and he sucks and bites all of the beautifully intact skin, worshipping the pulse hidden beneath and just so, so grateful that this body, this man's soul is alive and underneath him. 

"Fuck, I don't want you to leave, I don't care what you do. I'll--" he groans into Shouyou's neck and thrusts harder into him, "I don't care if you're reborn again, I don't care how many times I'll have to kill you, just don't leave me alone like that anymore, fuck."

"G-Gintoki..." Shouyou moans.

Gin's breath hitches at hearing him say his name in such a sweet voice and he grabs Shouyou's little cock, pumping it too harshly but it gets more of those soft noises out of him and Shouyou cums hard, body convulsing while little actually comes out of his cock. He cries Gin's name over and over and it ruins Gin, he thrusts into Shouyou's tight hole a few more times before reaching his own release, stilling with his cock planted deep and spilling inside of his teacher as he holds him in a bruising grip.

* * *

"I can't leave you alone, you know."

Shouyou is cradled against his chest, head resting on his shoulder.

"Huh?"

"Because I love you," he smiles in such a familiar way but it quickly falls, "Even when I'm Utsuro, I love you. Though in a different way. I'll always find you, even if to kill you."

He doesn't want to feel comforted by that like he is. But he is disturbed by what he said when he was fucking Shouyou. It's true. All of it. But he can't blindly follow his feelings. He wishes he could stay with Shouyou as he is now for as long as possible and just be happy with his teacher again, but Shouyou will die one day. When he does, he will be reborn as Utsuro and Gin... can't let Utsuro exist. He has to get rid of him permanently, to protect the Edo he loves, to protect the friends he love. 

To protect Shouyou. 

"I love you too, sensei."

He moves forward.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
